Motherhood 101: Stepping down from my 4-inch heels

There is no glamour in motherhood.

Seriously.

No matter how much effort and grace you put into it, the baby will vomit and pee on you... wherever, whenever. She will poop into her bath water during bath time. She will cry and scream during the most inopportune moments.

I have often wondered about moms whose lives revolve around their babies. They talk of nothing else and they don't have time for anything else. I find it annoying but I think I am beginning to understand. During the first few weeks and months after birth, that's all you have. Day in and day out, it's just you and your baby. You can't go out, you cease to have personal time and sleep becomes a myth. Your life becomes a neverending cycle of changing diapers, feeding, and giving baths to squirming little people (good thing they actually look cute whatever they do). There is no room for 4-inch heels when you have a baby on one arm and doing everything else with the other.

I am also beginning to understand postpartum depression. How can you not be depressed? You can't go out, you cease to have personal time and sleep becomes a myth. You have strech marks, you need to lose weight, and most of your clothes and shoes don't fit anymore (and you get this nagging feeling they probably never will again... ever!).
What I don't understand is how some women don't go through it. They probably don't have much of a life to begin with (kidding! Forgive me, I'm cranky, I haven't had any sleep yet).

Last October, this became my life.

I miss...

... my beautiful feet.
Every time I look at them now, they're all puffy.

... my shoes.
I don't fit into any of my shoes anymore. I've been stuck to the 1-3 pairs that will fit my puffy feet for a few months now. I was looking for a pair of shoes this morning and I looked at my shoe organizer and realized I miss wearing my shoes and appreciating how nice my feet used to look in them. I hope they still fit me after all this. If not... well, perfect excuse to start buying new ones >:)

... my wedding ring.
I've gotten so used to it. But I only stopped wearing if for a couple of weeks. Hopefully, I'll be back to wearing it again soon.

... being able to walk gracefully.
Walking nowadays, aside from being a pain, consists of lifting your entire right side... then your left... and hope that you are moving forward in the process.

... a peaceful and uninterrupted night's sleep.

... being able to sleep on your back without anything hurting.

... being able to sleep without anything hurting... period.

... my clothes.
Maternity jeans suck. Maternity clothes suck.

... my artificially straight hair.
It's back to being all thick and wavy and difficult to keep neat.

... stepping into a weighing scale without wanting to cry.

... Diet Coke, beer, coffee.

Dealing with Disappointment

I am about to self-combust with disappointment.

I don't deal well with disappointment. I usually simmer, simmer, and simmer some more and when I can't simmer anymore, I... well, it's not pretty.

I WANT THIS PLAYPEN!

I saw it online last week as I was browsing online and it matches the stroller and carrier we bought. I initially asked my cousin to ask my dad if he could bring it back here for me when he comes back (it's the size of a medium travel bag and about 15kg when packed), but since I still haven't heard from them, I'm taking the answer to be negative for the meantime and decided to considered other options (to be sure!). Unfortunately, those other options aren't working out very well.

I tried ordering it online and have it shipped here. Unfortunately, the first store I ordered from only ships within the US. I found a store that ships internationally but as I was checking out, the shipping cost amounted to almost $350! More than 2x the price of the item. I contacted the seller clarifying the shipping cost and still haven't received a response from them.

My husband and I tried looking for the item here. We found a local brand store and they have the model but not in the color I want. This playpen is about to be the centerpiece of my living room for about a year and no way am I getting something that won't match my current color scheme since I've been working so hard to get it to look the way I want. I asked the sales person if any of their other branches carries the model in the color I want but he told me no. They only carry the ones selected and imported by the merchandiser and for the model I want, they only carry 2 color options. (Well, tell your merchandiser he/she has bad taste! Hmph!) I looked at the sales person and decided I don't believe him so my husband and I are checking out another branch this weekend. I hope we find one (though local price for this item is double the price online) but until I'm sure I can get it, the disappointment lingers.

I feel the world conspiring against me and my playpen. I've been looking at it online all day and the more I see it, the more I want it and the more I feel disappointed when I think that I might not be able to get it (aaarrrrrgggghhh!!!).

There is also a sub-plot to all this. I stupidly told my mom and my sister about asking my dad to bring this here. I know! I know! I should have kept my mouth shut. But at the time, I was on a shopping high, I was happy, I was chatty. Not being very big fans of my dad (understatement!), they both told me to forget about it. I stand alone in keeping the peace between 2 clashing sides and if my mom asks about it again and that playpen does not materialize in my house within the next few months (whichever way, she won't have to know how, I can just tell her what I think is the best answer), it's like giving her live ammo.

None of my options are a sure negative yet. It's just that at this point, I don't have an alternative that I'm sure about. And that bugs me. For all I know, on the extreme positive end, all my options might actually work out. In which case, I'll be all giddy and happy. But if none does...

...I'm flying out there to get it myself!!! X(

Lost Photos

Yesterday, as I was selecting photos that I want to print, I discovered that we lost all the photos we had from November 2007 to February 2008. I still don't know what happened to them.

I remember that before we got our external hard drive, I was backing up all photos in CD's. From what I remember, we had 21 CD's: Volume 1-20 already had printed covers (I print covers which lists all the files in that CD so I'll know what's in them) and the last one. Volume 21. had no cover and no marking but it was inserted in the sleeve right next to the 20th CD. When we got our external hard drive, I know I migrated all the files in our laptop and in those CD's.

Sample CD cover :) (this is the CD cover of Volume 20 that went missing)

I had a lot of friends who got married near the end of 2007 and I was looking for those photos yesterday when I discovered the missing photos. When I got home, I checked the back-up CD's and discovered that both Volume 20 and 21 were missing! I found an unmarked loose CD just inserted between 2 sleeves and when I tried to check it's contents, I discovered that the CD was already corrupted (I don't know why! There was no scratch on it). Volume 21 is still missing.

I checked the laptop and as expected, I already deleted all photos earlier than June 2008 from the hard drive. I uploaded some of those photos in our Multiply account but those are no longer high resolution copies. I can live with losing most of those photos but I wish my brother has a copies of our photos from New Year 2008 in his PC :(